The ten things the program made me appreciate

Ten tings to be happy about
1. I am much closer to my family and friends now then before.
2. I have potential leaders who make me very proud of and blessed to have them, every single day.
3. You being in my life.
4. My two dogs, Gromit and Meekey. They are more than the number I had wanted in the first place. And to me, dogs the more the merrier.
5. I have a job which I enjoy doing.
6. I can still do martial arts even after two achilles surgery, one cyst removal surgery.
7. I have parents who have educated and love me well. I wouldn’t be what I am now without them
8. I have my own room.
9. I have many places I belong to – my home, my club, in your heart.
10. I am still alive to be saying how grateful I am.

Kite flying

Judo in the morning, what can I say? Always pleasurable though the circuit training meted by Thomas was a killer. But I completed it. So did michelle. And I am sure we are the few ones who did so wahahaha power ar we. Having toned figure is a very strong motivation *lol* I am sure Michelle with agree with me totally. Her own words “bye bye fats hello abs!”

Have been spending a relative amount of time with Hanson of late. Him being on MC makes him more available. I am getting to know him more on a personal basis and what his thoughts most of the times are about. Girls and mahjong is what I have gathered so far. Ahahahahah.. ok to be fair to him, it is because he is recuperating and bored. Among other more serious things of cos’. The suggestions he has of improving the club are also very useful. Heh. My little brother. Hahahaha ..we can talk about almost anything. And the fact the club means as much to him as to me bonds us together, tight. ROAR!!!

Had my first real kite flying yesterday behind the sports school. Not first as in never flew before but not as easy as today and not as long. I did kite flying before of cos’ when I was younger. I remember my dad bringing us to fly a home made kite and although it did not take off very well, it was a nice memory. Every kid should have had kite flying memories. Damn sad if don’t have ya. The kite Jackson bought was $11. Of cos’ must can fly if not we want our money back!!

If I didn’t know better, I wouldn’t know that place can be so nice. Breezy, quiet, sunny, and far far away from all that jazz. When we first arrived at about 2 plus, there were not many people around. We practically had the whole field to outselves but a little incident happened so I had to leave at about 3. Lucky that was solved. I have to stop being so forgettful. I then went back to woodlands again to re-join the guys. They finished the pizza! *sob* Who ask Sarpino to really be so nice. Oh well who ask me to be so forgetful. *lol*

After that we sat for a while before we went up furthur to the hills cos’ more and more people arrived to fly their kites. We were afraid our strings will cross and get tangled. That had be a disaster. Things could get ugly. *lol* joking.. Anyway, at there, the variety of kites are wide. Big ones as tall as me requiring the flyer to wear a belt harness to reel it. Imagine that. Sting ray, octopus, bat man bat ones also have. Ours is the yazuza face one so don’t play play hor. And don’t say it is opera faced ok. It is Yakuza faced and it is our kite. We sat on the hill and spoke about everything under the sun. Almost everything anyway. It was enjoyable, talking, gossping and listening to the guys. I wondered in my youth why didn’t I do things like this, find a spot, fly kite and chit chat. Then I remembered, in my youth, Hanson was probably about 10 years ahahahaha not much he would have seen or been to, to share with me. Like now. That boi really has got a lot of ideas and places to go to. I can now not have headaches over where I can go for dates and special occasions.

Foot rub in the evening was splendid. All the past weeks’ aches and toxins all freakin’ rubbed out. Ahhhhhhhh… Only bad incident was that G’s slippers got worn home. Accidentally or not that remains a mystery. The slipper kidnapper did not want to return the slippers that day. So irresponsible and she expected G to go back in her slippers. What kind of person can mistake leopard prints for flower prints. The two pairs of slippers are like heaven and earth ya. Anyway, G did not want it any more. I will get her a new pair. Then maybe I can have an excuse to get me self a havianas as well. Ahahahah.

The Yakuza faced kite

lame picture I know ..

Our kite!! Our kite!!

Assembly of the kite

Busy with myself

This looks like some place not in Singapore. With this in Woodlands, who needs to go to Marina Barrage?

This is a pretty nice looking picture don’t you think so?

Always so attentive to where the camera is. Like me!! *lol*

Pizza, Diet Coke and Pink Champagne …

That’s not ours. That’s the kite that the person flew using a belt harness

Jackson me and Hanson at the field where we flew our yakuza kite

Me

I like my life now. And the people I hang out with. I am sorry I took so long. I hope I am not too late. Can time possibly pass a little slower?

I am the lion who leads them

I woke up in the morning after having a great dream, about how I had the chance at the very beginning of everything to do it proper and nice. Of how I knew how to do the right things at the right time to the right people. Especially with you. The dream was nice while it lasted. Falling back into reality hurt my butt a little. Painful..
But I was greeted by an amusing sight when I came out of my room. I saw my mother playing with Gromit and then she carried the black girl and cuddled her like a baby ya. What a sight. My mum always does that but she never fails to amuse me whenever she does that baby thing with gromit.

Once again, the kids made me very proud of them. Not in win lose terms but more of how much they have learnt, how much they have grown. One telling me sorry because he let me down, knowing I have high expectations of him. My heart just melted. Another telling me he tried his best and there was tears in his eyes when he said that. When I realised how much they wanted to not let me down, I felt my heart cry for them. I gave them them a shoulder squeeze, next time la. Everything you do now to the time you succeed are experiences that money cannot buy. You have not let me down. I am proud that you have tried your best and that is enough for me. Then the one who in my words “whacked the hell out of her opponent like no need money” Another who developed another fighting style altogether because he realised his old style will not work all the time, and won. There will be so much more to see. When I saw everyone helping one another out, doing logistics, administration, carrying out their roles well, I can’t help but smile. How fast they have grown. How well they have learnt. How old I have become. I did only to delegate and everything was done by them. It is time to move them to higher grounds in the next few months. It is time to fly.

What we lacked in quantity, we made up for it with respect, faith and strength.

Eeoos eeoos all the way …

The budding ever changing fighter

Me and the monster that roared till her opponent became deaf and got caught unware *lol* such is the strength of a general in my army ..

This was taken by Jianfa on his DSLR. DSLR is really .. wow… Nice…

I am still waiting for you ya little one. Will you be here the next time?

My hypothesis is that

love does not exist. What exists are protocols, rules, S.O.Ps, and what not. If you don’t play by the rules of the game, three strikes and you’re out. Simple as that. If you play by the rules, you get to stay around a little longer.

Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?

I read all your minds during Judo

Today, I made a discovery during Judo.I observed something rather interesting. Someone, let us just name him X (using initials will be too damn obvious), is a ticking time bomb. Why do I say that? I observed that when he got thrown badly by a kid, he raised his hands and did the I-want-to-slap-you-for-hurting-me action. Tsk tsk tsk. Uncle you so old already still like that ya. Bad tempered as I am and a great disdain for being injured by stupidity, I would never do that. Not with a kid. He should take the advice that he was too stiff. So all the throws hurt him. And with us he did not dare to do anything. Only with that kid. Hmmmm.. I expect that as the days go we will see more of mister X. I first took note of his extraordinary character during the Judo lunch. I noticed his penchant for throwing big labels at us “I used to go to where where where in Europe and ate what what what” and his constant mention of owning a company. Well, that isn’t such a big deal ya mister. I have been to Europe to tour a whole month and anyone nowadays can have a company registered under them ya. You think we are small kids ah? Want to hu us? *roll eyes* Anyway, watch for him if you have an idea who he is. Be afraid. Be very very afraid.

Well, I am in my mind reading mood today. The mind’s eyes have been awaken by pain and now it sees many things the happy naked eyes cannot. Read other things too of cos’, all the weird vibes going around in the dojo, the ambience and all and the people who are hiding things in their eyes. I tried to avoid all throwing contacts with X regardless of whether do I look rude or uncooperative or not. I do not want to be “exercise unfit” for another 6 months. The past 5 have been unbearable. Anyone who has less than three major surgeries or none, please do not speak to me.

Unfortunately fate decrees us to be together. Sensei put me first with him. As usual, he came up with nonsense like pretending to be in pain and weak and when he sensed I relaxed he went in and gave me a hard one. My stupid sympathy button was pushed and I ended up being thrown. Mad of cos’. But I was so not going to attack. Brute force always wins. The mouse deer always wins in the end by wits.

Being dead or crippled is something not very savvy to me even though I am not in the best of moods.

Anyway, I hope tomorrow will be a good day. I hope Mr Sunshine will be out tomorrow because I really would like to get my nice tan and swim and read at the beach. Only the sun and breeze can calm my soul and mind. That is why He said “Let there be light” I hope I had be alone with my thoughts. I hope the PE leadership camp is a killer. I hope the kids will show hand this weekend during the CKS tourney. I hope everything falls in place. I am about to break on the inside. and last but not least, I know you know that it is time for you to roar. That is why you have been driving hard. Let me hear that roar.

Cold

Love, hope and faith are just three words to keep people alive in times of pain, angry and hopelessness. I can’t decide whether that is ironic or laughable. People in position to help just stand there and watch the scene unfolds itself into a hurt locker explosion gone wrong scene. People not in position wonder what they can do. I feel you. Everyone of you. and I know. nobody cries because they want to. they do so because other than crying, there is not much to be done. dead. hopeless. endless bad dreams. I could go on ranting and miss school, forget to feed the dogs and watch life pass by me and grow an imaginary stub. I am not going to do that. even though the gastrics are fking killing me right at this moment (coke + late night + empty stomach+ sleep) There, I have the perfect excuse for a mc to stay home. But no. Though the heart misses and the mind refuses to cooperate rationally, I will drag myself if I have to, to take a step outside the four walls, communicate with the world, doing socially accepted stuffs and let the day slip by me and then take the darkness when it comes upon me at night, by the neck.

Nothing will change the fact shit has hit the fan and I can either leave it revolving on the fan in the stench or proceed to clean it up.

I wrote this on my blackberry

I think, is good to sometimes spend some time on your own thinking. Or just simply to relax and detox the thought debris floating around in the grey matter. I feel people who cannot spend a minute with themselves have things within them that they had rather not face. To me that sounds like avoidance. Be careful when you do that. Avoid yourself long enough and you won’t know who you are anymore years down the road. Good thing we never have that kind of issue.

Was out with jackson n zhihuan yesterday evening. Strange to be going out with 2 burly guys to watch alice in wonderland. Everyone else was busy so only us three. Not strange to be eating fish and chips, mountain high burger and combo big plates at billy bomber. I had thought they would be eating more than that.

The grill combo of Jackson

Zhi Huan’s fish and chips

My towering burger

Actually, the show was not what I expected it to be but what Jackson said makes sense too – it aint easy retelling a already told story. So I’ll not be so harsh and say it is alright and not a downright disappointment of Tim Burton.

Aft the movie, we went down to kpo for some absinthe. Jackson needed his weekly dose. Not me. I swore to stay off alcohol after that last mad time and I was driving. I only had sprite. The two of them shared 2:1 shots of absinthe. Interesting way to drink that. According to Jackson, there is suppose to be a spoon like thingy in the middle of the glass of something, with a sugar cube on it. And when you pour the absinthe over the sugar cube and mix it, it is suppose to dissolve and you then drink it. Atas ya. Not to mention expensive ($16 per shot). There is a faint hint of blue lagoon though Jackson told me there is none alcohol mixed. The alcohol is super volatile. The moment it touches your lips, you can feel it evaporating. Lethal. That’s why I kept to my Sprite the whole night after I tasted a little to try. The crowd there, yuppish. Nevertheless, I had a good time observing. The spps who feel the waitress, the waifish filipino waitress, the displays of LVs, sport cars revving, guccis and the ang mos.

I went over to pass G the bfast I bought for her. Polar sugar rolls make her happy. I just couldnt resist buying them that morning. She looked tired but I suppose is good tired cos’ I know work is on her top list now. Jia you!! So proud of the effort that she has been putting into work. So so proud. She is one who will be great you know. Just watch her rise.

So here I am, spending time by myself and watching the clouds. And of cos’ missing you.

Always have, always will.

Seasons changed

I know, this time the winter’s going to be longer and harsher. Nevertheless, I will put on more winter clothes, build a fire and wait for summer to come.

With summer, comes you.

One good one bad makes a post

It is pathetic to eat lunch out of a plastic bag but that’s what I am doing now. That is because I cannot be bothered.

I had my first meet up with my newly appointed supervisor this morning. I am surprise to hear that she is quite an ambitious person. Not only that, one with ideals and plans. She has always came across to me as someone who likes to do alot of things just for interests sake. She spoke to me about what she plans to do in ten years and that is to retire with honour and be remembered for her contributions to the school. She also shared with me that most of the things that she does in school is more for self satisfaction rather than school contribution. Most of the supervisors I had always spoke of contributing to the school blah blah and this one said that is being a little too not real. because ultimately, our life is about satisfying ourselves and feeling good intrinsicly. Left me for thoughts but I do agree with what she said. I have always believed intrinsic motivation an satisfaction is greater than any shit in the world. Anyway it was not bad a session. I realised that being under someone who has clear directions and goals does help because only a person with such vision can help you shape yours. She helped me shaped alot of what I can do this year and should do this year. She asked me too to push for the recess thingy to be implemented (I am guessing she got the hint from me why my proposal was KIVed) next term. So now I know.

Yesterday I lost my cool at TCC carpark and got into an argument with a merc driving idiot who said I blocked the entrance of the car just cos 1) he saw that I was a young fellow so can eat 2) The other car blocking him was not around and I so happen to be there, and he wanted to report me to the police and even took pictures of the yellow even when I was parked in a legit parking space inside the car park. Talk about being an ass. Typical of a race I shall not mention for fear of being called a racist pig. In the end, I moved my car because Ger asked me to. She was nice enough to ask me to move. If it was left to me I would stare at him with my jaw dropping like a retard and say huh. Anyway, after that, he just sped away swiftly. Deep down inside, I was hoping he came at me and try to scuffle me for being a brat. I have had in my mind what to do to him. but then, like all men who shout and wave their fists, golf balls feeling superior sitting beside theirs, he just cursed and swore and drove off. MKF. Hello Mr uncle in the stupid merc, having a big car don’t make your balls bigger. Have some manners and ask nicely la.

What goes around comes around yo. I hope to see you around.

To make a long story short

I had a nice cheerful dream and woke up weeping buckets. If my life was a sitcom there’d be people laughing in the background.

In my room, the only person laughing is me.

And this morning, the first update I saw felt like a stab in the heart. The word Single now has a whole new life on its own as it stares at me and plunges into where it hurts the most. I don’t remember it having the same effect last night. Sleep really relaxes many parts. For a good five minute, I just stared at the words “______ is now single” I only snapped out of it when I felt the choking stab and coughed out the held-in breath. Even the classified section of the newspaper hurts.

I should probably stop sleeping so that the rational and irrational parts will mesh together and form one large big ball that wouldn’t hurt as much as being hit by two separate entities.

But hey, life goes on, does it not?

I know how to do that.

I just need to find the manual.

It should be at the safe place.