低綺戶 照無眠

Friday, after the pioneer class, I went to Jalan Kayu with HH and Mich to have tang yuan. So nice and Q the tang Yuan but I feel it is not as good as the one at army market. Not soft enough and they didn’t have the ginger soup which I like the balls to be in. But nevertheless, nice. Casper was there with us the whole time too and I had the little fellow on my lap the whole time. He is so soft I feel like squeezing him but I know not to in case I suffocate him unintentionally hahahaha … He just stood one me, laid down on me, move around trying to get across the table …

After that, I departed for M hotel and picked up Zhi huan and Sjeting on the way there. Met up with Val and her friends at J bar. As always, my poor sense in navigating caused us to be later than the time I told her I had reach. Rah. Maybe I should get a GPS ya. I checked the directory for the area but as always, shenton way roads look so unfamiliar and scary. I followed the instructions given by HH turn and turn and I still got lost. Bah! Luckily, with HH’s help and Zhi Huan’s navigation (he worked near the area before), we got there in the yellow car and not in a cab. At times of extremely high driving stress, I have this urge to just heck it, park the car where I am at and take a cab. I am lucky the people around me are not road idiots like me.
I like the bar. I think it is pretty cool. Like the martinis, ambience, live band roxs. They play pretty good music which is just so good. The setting is really a nice place to chill. I wouldn’t mind coming here every week to chill, drink a little martini and listen to the music and band.

Saturday, after the kids’ demo, I went off to sunset grill with ZH and Clare. ZH came down to help me take photographs but ended up clare was the one taking the pictures lol I sure did hope she was not bored being there. The demo was fantastic, eventhough we did not have ample time to rehearse thoroughly, I must say, what they did was fabulously good. I realised too that Muyan has grown up so much. All the time, he was the one organising them, getting them together and prepping them to go out. I did not have to do much except to sit and talk to the photographer. So very proud of him. Ahhhh the kids, they make me so proud of them I am dying to tell everyone I meet just how great they are. Eeoos just undeniably rock socks.

Though it was a Saturday night, we did not have to Q very long at SSG. We queued like for 30-45 minutes before they showed us to our seat. Our poison that day was the level 8 wings but it wasn’t a full effect head on because we had the sauce by the side. Call it cheating I don’t care. I didn’t regret having the sauce at the side. Damn. When I used a fork to taste the sauce, it left a slow but surely burning feeling on my tongue. I felt it full force after a few minutes and that was enough to convince me we did the right thing. We will go back and conquer it straight in the head but for now, it will have to be dipping in the sauce and eating it like that. I had to keep eating tartar sauce to butter the tongue. Am so not a tartar sauce fan but at that point, life mattered more to me than death by level 8.

After the wings, we went over to HH’s place to play MJ. That was like the first time I actually sat through an entire MJ session. I wonder why. As usual, no money went home with me that night. But I was glad we had that session. It is quite entertaining and funny at times. I really love spending time with them people.

Sunday morning was a black Sunday. For one, I sprained my back while randoriing with Thomas and had to go to Silvercross to get a jab. It wasn’t necessary, the jab but I wanted to cos I want the back to recover by Sunday. By hook by crook left or right I was going to meet my destiny on sunday to Q the grade and that is just what I am going to do. So looking forward to it. Unless of cos, I can’t even bend down by Friday then probably I will sigh and not go. I will be damn sad if I do that. Really sad lor. So I will be good today, Monday, do a little training tomorrow, stretch on wednesday, do a little kicking on Thursday and get ready for Sunday.

After that, HH MIch me Jo Nic and Zh went to TPY for our weekly lunch. Shao la again and of cos, KOI!!! hahahahah too bad there isn’t any without milk tea other than the one I drink every week. Feel like trying other flavors but do not like the milk.

Evening time was better. I spent it at sis’s place because it it athena’s one month celebration!! Eat and see the little one. Still didn’t open eyes to see me raaaaaah and I had a nice conversation on the phone with a friend. So in all, despite walking around like I got something tied around my back, it was a good happy sunday.

　
也許有天會情不自禁
想念只讓自己苦了自己　

After 12 midnight

Aye aye aye .. I tried being good, going to bed at 12 am last night because I have to be in school by 7am today morning and I ended up wasting time tossing and turning in bed, then logging back onto msn to ask Zh does he still have the pack of sweets he bought the other time, then got excited about the airline ticket stock market, on top of the drama that may unfold today or tomorrow and of cos, the message that made my night eventhough it did not help me to sleep, it made me light headed and happy.

Looking out for tickets really is like the stock market ya. Want buy, don’t want, how, buy seperately and so on. All thanks to Michelle who is the stockbroker of the team going to BKK. I make it sound like we are a financial team watching the US stock market at singapore after 12 am.lol. It is really hard work on her part. I must remember to treat her to nice food in BKK. With the money that I get back, hopefully. On and off the four people in that conversation planned our buying spree and the last message I saw was about a tag team going into chatuchak and sweeping everything. lol. Crazy are we.

And yes, the trying to sleep before 1am thingy. Still have to try eventhough it was futile last night and I was better off at the computer watching DVD or msning, than tossing and turning in bed with that song playing in my head. It is pretty irritating not to be able to sleep. I realised that not being able to sleep when your heart is broken is better than when your heart is somewhere else. The latter makes you light headed, all senses gone haywire and you just cannot stop thinking where did your soul go to that made you feel so restless. Heart broken sleeplessness wears you out physically. That makes sleep easy. Nevertheless, I will choose not being able to sleep because I am missing someone who might be missing me too, any day, rather than not being able to sleep thinking how cruel the world is.

Sarah dropped by in the wee hours of the morning and we had exorbitantly priced prata that didn’t taste good. I almost fell asleep chewing the prata. She was all starry eyes from the partying. I hear a ringing in my head while she was regaling all the antics of the night. Gawd am I tired. She told me she is going KL during the one week break to meet up with Ashley. lol. There will be hard core partying there in KL for sure and I have to say, I am a little tempted to go eventhough KL sucked for me on the recent trip. K.I.V.

I can’t wait to hit the beach next wednesday. There will be more dogs this time lol and I am meeting a friend whom I have not seen for a while now. Except on fb. lol. Excited much? Yes la.

Dear God, I have a love square. You want to shape a hexagon out of it?

Q the grades

Tuesday is always a great day. Simply because there is judo on Tuesday and that makes it great. Q grade is finally here. Long awaited destiny of mine. For the non judo people, Q grade means coloured belt and the Q grade judo is the yearly judo competition.

A friend asked me today, so now how? Still deciding to live the hermit life of training eating sleeping working or are you ready to love once more? Frankly, I have not thought about that yet. I am just only starting to settle into my new life after two years of being part of someone. I think I will have to think about it soon, though. About the question whether am I ready. Then another friend asked me, you’re not scared of being in a relationship? After all that melodrama and the heartaches and pains and what not. I told her, when a relationship fails, both parties have to account for it and blame should not be with one only. I am all for doing it again because I believe I will be better the next time. Some humbling experiences stay with you for life and I am willing to let mine make me a better person to be with. Walk the path of faith I will.

And Yes la! We are going BKK again this year end, for our yearly pilgrimage. All that thought about the shopping, eating, cam whoring makes me really excited. What else but to be with good friends, good food and good shopping?

I am the charmed one no doubt. Let’s rock the boat and be champions together shall we? Come take my hand.

And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind

Yes, I am old enough to tell the difference between falling in love and an infatuation but no, not old enough to be able to stand still, ignore the buzzing in my ears and the dizzy spells at close proximity.

I know it will run off soon enough. That is why it is called an infatuation. For the moment I am just glad I still am able to feel after all that jazz. I thought my heart died in new orleans.

And know what? I actually like this feeling that I am feeling.

It surely feels good to know.

What potions have I drunk of siren tears,
Distilled from limbecks foul as hell within,
Applying fears to hopes, and hopes to fears,
Still losing when I saw myself to win!
What wretched errors have my heart committed,
Whilst it hath thought itself so blessed never!
How have my eyes out of their sheres been fitted
In the distraction of this maddening fever!
O benefit of ill, now I find true
That better is by evil still made better;
And ruined love when it is built anew
Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater,
So I return rebuked to my content,
And gain by ills thrice more than I have spent.
– Shakespeare Sonnet 119

You took me right out of the blue

Pam invited me and Sjeting over to her place at miltonia close for some chill time over alcohol and dvds. I almost choked when I searched for miltonia close and got The Shaughnessy. I was thinking to myself, cannot be that coincidental ya wtf.

There’s a reason for the saying 人算不如天算 ROFL

Anyway, the weekend has been great. I finally got to watch Karate kid and half of IP man part three while drinking Ice wine and listening to interesting things said. Interesting people. I would love to spend more time with them. Oh I finally went to Alley bar on Friday. Not bad place to hang out at but a little dark for dates. I love that really huge mirror there.. so cool ya!

Sunday was spent early training in the morning. I saw stars the first time in my years of training. I conclude that three consecutive late nights plus drinking is detrimental for training and I will do just one a week. There was a promise made to Yvonne to party with her when she is back from Bangkok. I think. lol. Training was nevertheless good, always good. Thank you guys for training with me.

Then off we three went to meet the others for YOG judo. Great fights. Great people. Great late lunch. Great pictures.

What can I ask for, on a Sunday ya, really, life is good now and I am enjoying every moment of it.

Carl’s junior!!!

Oooh the many ways I love thee oh onion rings

The zucchini ermm.. nuggets? Tastes a little exquisite but nevertheless nicely refreshing

Me having a drink with michelle lol

Joseph and me

My judo senior Thomas

The camera Joseph gave Michelle for her birthday. Nice!

I took the following shots with the kick ass really HUGE lens Joseph put onto my DSLR.. omg .. so tempted to get one of them babies .. I was standing like a distance of 20 metres away

The two of them lol

Michelle posing one for the camera, at 20 metres away

Stefanie and me

I am standing on the legs of the guys lol Cheerleading style!!!

On my mind

iphone. the room. family. bruised knee and eye.Taiwan. twitter. no food cravings. wasting time. judo. self centeredness. bread. taiwanese drama. weird morbid dreams. rising from ashes. my dogs. hypocrites. beach sun sand. deliverance. stupid idiot ankles. new friends. alcohol. trust. shakespeare. dashchund. shit making comments. gut feelings. Japan. screensaver. late nights early mornings. admiration. respect. holga. inception. gallivanting. facebook. relationships. Level 10 buffalo wings.

“Both read the bible day and night,

but thou read black where I read white”

Holga, Jay Bee and Play ground

Some presentable shots from the toy camera. Very limited, out of the 70 odd shots. More practice is needed! The shots were either out of frame, overexposed or the light did not leak good enough.

The third roll did worst than this. None of the photos turned out good. sucks to the max to be my holga’s film. bah. I think I need to get a flash for the camera and get that GCFN back to experiment with.

The week has gone without much ado.

Tuesday I received an apps that said “blah blah blah … n I am attached.” And when I asked why I had to be told, I was ignored. Really too much. So much for all the bs talks about giving people respect. Though I had the impulse to smash my phone, angry at the thought of all the times I was lectured on respect, being polite, being responsible, being not so self centred, I was surprisingly calm. I think it is like when someone close to you is about to die and is in a hospice, you’re already mentally prepared for it.. so when it happens, you just shut your eyes and pray for deliverance. What’s left was me feeling sullen, sullenly trying to swallow the hurt down.

I was abducted by two people on Wednesday night, “kicking and screaming”, to jb. Sarah and Vince saw my tweets and reckoned since I lost 2kg it should be rather easy to carry me off. I so got to change my password so that they had get their own account to monitor me. I have to say, the kidnap was well timed, because I was feeling a little angry with myself and dad didn’t cook dinner.

He drove. So nice of you ya! We went to this place a little off the main jb area to have bah kut teh. It was weird eating BKT in M country but yay, it was not too bad. After that, we went to this private by invite only party in a freakin three storey bungalow. The place reminded me of purgatory the moment I stepped in what with the alcohol and the activities ongoing. It was like a really happening gentlemen’s club. In summary, I can only say the experience was eye opening and I did things I never thought I would do. hahahaha .. Seriously. Thank goodness I came back in one piece and not have to call my parents to come bail me out from M country jailhouse. I had to drive the car back to Singapore because our chauffeur’s senses had gone to the dogs. Thank you Miss Love for successfully navigating us back to our starting point. We could have ended up in KL if I was the one doing the navigation. We didn’t so I am grateful. While Vince was zonked out in the backseat, we chatted about many things past future and present and I realise I have changed quite a bit over the span of ten years, the things I believe in, love and treasure. That’s a good thing to know. And I enjoyed the trip back much better. With good lovely company that’s why.

Thursday, I went fishing at the Play ground. Before that, Sjeting Zhihuan and I hit sunset grill for level 5 wings. Fabulous. I think we should do level 8 or 10 the next time. lol. Then down to the Play ground we went. As expected, there were mermaids, sharks, jellyfishes, sting rays, manta rays lol whatever you want, there is. I had fun doing all the surveying, set ups and got to know a few friends. Highlight of the night, my hunting sense is improving. Proof of it, I had a number by the time I left. lol. and I realise smiling does help, alot.

Hurray for me, I reached home and slept at 4am and woke at 6am to get to work. Blessed is me too, for I only had to do duty for 10 minutes, I spent the rest of the morning taking forty winks, chit chatting with colleagues and finalising this entry.

Great week you say? Sarah says the weeks will get better and I believe her. I always have. At the moment, the heart aches not because I long for what I lost. The heart aches at being treated less than I deserve. And soon, all these will pass.

No more whining

“What happened” is the number one question out of everyone’s mouth.

Frankly, apart from the arguments, I really did thought everything was fine. Not fine to the point of fine but yay, no danger signs of an insurgent. To tell the truth, I have no idea too. One day, I caught a blow below the belt and then everything just went downward spiralling after that. I was not even sat down and given the I-have-something-I-want-to-tell-you-I-hope-you-will-understand talk. I was just let go off Just like how when your boss is unhappy with your performance, he writes you an email saying that as of effect from today, your services at this company has been terminated and we no longer require your services. Please kindly pack your things and proceed to personeel to hand over your building pass. I kid you not, it was like that. So, in the fourth week and counting, I still wonder, why. It is so not helping with my closure, to be frank. I keep having projections in my dreams.

It isn’t like coming back and finding your other half in bed with another. That would be easy. Throwing them both out would be easy. It is coming back home one day and finding out that your house is gone.

I hear things here and there about what’s going on but whatever is said, is not helping with my closure too because I don’t do hearsay.

Sigh. My friend asked me, why do you need the closure so much when the other party obviously doesn’t care whether you move on or not, doesn’t care to give you that last bit of respect and the two years together, that that person just wants you out of their way, and move on? I don’t know, really, why. Maybe because deep down inside, I don’t think that person can be so irresponsible and cruel, that the two years did count for something. That I did count for something.

Then again, my friend may be right.

I should just be man about it and not whine anymore.

I wonder if God has a twitter account

Dear God, I wonder if you have a twitter account like @areyoutheregodismesooee? I have been tweeting to you on twitter, did you see my tweets or do I need to write to you like how most people do it?

A friend of a friend of mine told her that my last last ex told her (the friend of my friend) that I was very nice to my ex. So small hor, this world. Then this time, everyone around tells me the same thing too, of how nice I am.

Now, the thing is, if I am nice to be with, then why was it that I am let go off both times? It doesn’t make sense.

So, it is either being nice is not a key element to till death do we part or I just suck at relationships.

After the fervent discussion yesterday night over ear biscuits and yakult, my two posses concluded probably I’m just not cut out for commited relationships, citing the past two really bad flops as examples. So we decided that I should just be non commital and hope I don’t again meet someone who can make me fall for them.

We established some ground rules. So that I will still have friends at the end of the day.

1. I shall not seek the already attached people
2. I shall not seek the other halves of friends or exes of friends, it will all be about new people that I meet
3. There will be no sleepovers. No bringing of personal stuffs to my place.
4. The moment signs of a commitment appears (meeting more than once per week, meeting prioritises over my own stuffs and gatherings, talks of going for holidays together, wanting to stay around my house all day long), I walk.

Other rules, we will make as we come to it.

I should tweet to God and ask him what he thinks of my new found ideology “let us just be close intimate friends.”

When I looked in the mirror this morning I couldn’t recognise the person in the mirror. What has become of love? sigh. I feel a wave of laughter and tears.

Ouch.The bruise above my eye is hurting.

Not just any cheesecake or ice cream

It is Saturday night again. My initial plan was to bring Ashley down to some club with Zhihuan, or rather for her to bring me and him to some club since she was more familiar with the usual club scene but was feeling a tad tired to hit the clubs after class so I had dinner with her instead and stayed home after that. She was going back to KL the next afternoon and invited me up to visit her in KL this coming weekend. Aye aye aye. I have to work on friday night, I told her. And on Saturday too.

I feel bad declining your offer but work comes first cos I have already promised a friend to help him out. We can meet up again when you’re back here to visit your family yay. Smile.

I settled down at home with a good book to read and dog to lap on. Then I got sullen. and moody. and I wondered what you were doing on a saturday night, like how we used to do every saturday, then the timely apps came and ask me where I was. lol. HH and gang were going down to grab some ice cream from the ice cream cafe and some cheesecake at the cheescake place. So she invited me along. Though having rich food late at night is against my healthy eating plans, I went. Timely rescue from my thoughts.

The ice cream cafe is tucked in some corner of ocean park and the cheesecake place is on east coast road. East side places scare me but I shall not fear, for the places are really nice for dates. The cheesecake and ice cream are fab. Two new places to bring a date to. lol. I might have to come here a few more times to navigate though.

Oh and note to self, STOP picturing with the canon. Use the DSLR for goodness sake. The quality of the pictures will be so much better. Rah!

The earl grey I had. I didn’t want to drink tea, it being very late at night incase of insomnia but the cheesecakes were all too cheesy to tell the taste apart

This is taken to compare how very small their biscuit is, comparing biscuit with a lemon slice

My all time favourite, oreo cheesecake. I still like the one you made.

From bottom left: Oreo cheesecake, Strawberry mousse cake, Rum and raisin, NY cheesecake

Yay I brought my Holga along. Never leave home without it, the instructions say

The cheesecake people

Mousse Oreo Cheesecake tasted moussy lol

Inside the cafe. It looks quite nice inside but there was no more space it being a Saturday so we had to make do for outside