I am bored

1. I don’t like Mickey mouse but I named my dog after it.
2. I am in denial that I have a sweet tooth.
3. I used to be an obese kid in primary school.
4. I wanted to be a ninja when I was younger.
5. I try to see the good in everyone even if the person has a serious character flaw
6. The sand and sea has a magical calming effect on me
7. Pork is my least favorite meat and I eat it char shaoed or stewed.
8. I like to spend my time watching TV series.
9. Though I like branded and
can afford branded I don’t usually wear branded.
10. I would love to own a Cooper though the space is cramped like Omg.
11. I drink real coke when I’m stressed.
12. Scents govern my emotions.
13. I like holding wads of cash in my hands.
14. Chicken is my favourite meat. Chicken wings are my favorite parts.
15. I do not eat the skin of my food except for bread.
16. I have a very defective left side. My left achilles was torn, my left knee almost ruptured, my left pinky is permanently disabled.
17. I have an iPhone and a blackberry.
18. I have two dogs supposedly of the same breed but they differ very much in size.
19. I like eating bread.
20. I don’t like children much but I adore my niece.
21. I go vegan twice a month.
22. My hands feel cold when I’m hungry and they become warm after I eat.
23. I cannot be in water for more than 45mins.
24. I love feeling the aches when I do massages.
25. I have a secret list of people I want to invite to my wedding.
26. I only eat the mango rice in Thailand.
27. Indiana jones is my childhood hero
28. I have no patience with prawns or MJ
29. I only eat branded ice cream like Ben and jerry’s, haagen daz
30. I succumbed to the iPhone like flies to the light

Randomness strikes

Spell your name without vowels: Lm S
Your favorite number: 26
What color do you wear most?: Black though I really like white I have no idea why I wear black all the time
Least favorite colors?: Pink
What are you listening to?: The sounds of my air refresher churning out scents

Are you happy with your life right now?: I rate my happiness as 6 and not 9 so that I won’t get flabby and complacent about life so ya, I probably could try a little harder at being happy
What is your favorite class in school?: Literature
Who is your best friend: XL

Are you outgoing?: An introvert who tries to be outgoing
Favorite pair of shoes?: My brown suede shoes from CTC market
Can you dance?: Ya everyone can dance for sure. Just how fab or penguin looking
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: Never did try that kinky maneuvers

Can you whistle?: no

Cross your eyes?: yes
Walk with your toes curled?: Yes

THE DO’S
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: yes
Do you believe in miracles?: absolutely
Do you believe in magic?: I rather use the word illusion or trick of the mind. If it’s that then I believe it
Love at first sight?: No. That’s bogus and can ruin you.
Do you believe in Satan?: When there is good, there is evil too. So I believe in God and the other.

Do you believe in Santa?: I believe there is a man named that who does that for children but I believe him not to be a magical figure but someone whom people have magify over the years
Do you know how to swim?: Yup. I was a late boomer

Do you like roller coasters?: No I don’t like them but would sit in them just for the kick that sets in when I am at the top of the track

Do you think you could handle the stuff they put in their stomachs on those reality shows?: Ya. Ang mos don’t eat the intrails of animals. We chinese eat everything

THE WHATS

What is the temperature outside?: 30 degrees plus

What radio station do you listen to?: Class 95 mostly

What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Sushi tei. Splendid delightful economical japanese cuisine

What was the last thing you bought?: Mini X

What was the last thing on TV you watched?: Some crappy show whose title I don’t know
Who was the last person you took a picture of? myself lol
Who did you last webcam with?: Hahahhahaha that was like many many MANY years ago
Who was the last person you said I love you to?: Gromit

CRYING SECTION

Ever really cried your heart out?: Aye aye of cos

Ever cried yourself to sleep?: Seriously who can cry to sleep, what with mucus choking up your pipes and your eyes not being able to shut cos of the pouring tears

Ever cried on your friend’s shoulder?: no. I don’t have a habit of crying on people’s shoulders. I want comfort when I am crying. I demand a hug at least!
Ever cried over the opposite sex? : lol no never before
Do you cry when you get an injury?: I try not to but mostly cos I am pissed at being hurt, again, rather than the pain of it.
Do certain songs make you cry?: Only when I am heartbroken, I cry over the emo songs

HAPPY SECTION

Are you a happy person?: no. I am a moody idealist who is tries not to be cynical about the world. How to be happy like that?

What is your current hair color?: Black with shades of brown

CURRENTLY WEARING

What shirt are you wearing?: A shirt I got in BKK last year

Pants: Shorts which are very very very worn out. I am not shooting a mediacorp drama where everyone is dressed like they are going out

HAVE YOU EVER

Been to jail: no.

Mooned someone: WAHAHHAHAH
Laughed so hard you cried: YA!!! When my friends tell me lewd jokes

Cried in school: no
Wanted to be a model: lol I did entertain that thought but looking at my height and low nose bridge, non straight teeths, non lustrous hair, reality set in really badly

Done something really stupid that you still laugh about: I don’t laugh at the stupid things I do. Pardon me for the lack of humour if you may.

Seen a dead body: ? just the cadavers and parts of what used to belong to a person. no I am not a serial killer. I was on attachment at the forensic department in SGH

Been on drugs: Is adrenaline considered a drug? It makes me high

Gone skinny dipping: Proud to say that I have done that. Not saying when.

Resolution 2011

It is this time of the year when I am in the mood to write resolutions even though I never remember them past March. Lol. Hopefully it will be different next year.

Well, it has to be. My time here isn’t left with much, unfortunately. I just hope to live out the rest of my days in peace.

So here it goes.

1. Be less critical of people. I realize that when I am critical I get myself down too much, emotionally and psychologically. I get upset. I frustrate myself. I become bitter. Live and let live.

2. Spend more time with the dogs. They adore me and will always love me and my flaws unconditionally.

3. Mind my own business. Unless help is asked of me.

4. Go to japan. I love sushi, anime, the gadgets, jap shows.

5. Try to be as injury free as possible. I like the challenges but it isn’t worth it in the long run.

6. Spend more time with my family. Especially with little Athena. I aim to be the cool auntie.

7. Read more. The number of books read this year is seriously pathetic.

8. Be less tolerant of immature people.
Step over my line and out you go.

9. Sleep more than 5 hours everyday.

10. Keep the room immaculately clean always.

11. Drink less diet a and w and coke. Not healthy.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” – John 8:32

Today I let go of a friend. No big hoo haa and stuff but the thought that she knows what she is doing. I am not playing the moral higher ground here. I too have done things I am not proud of. I can simply just “open one eye and close one eye” and let bygones pass. That had be so much easier to swallow than this.

And yes, I am sad. To think I gave up a good friend who is like a brother to me just so to defend her and have the joke on me in the end. Oh how humanly stupid to think the time we have spent together mattered.

Obviously to her, it didn’t. (Ouch)

On another person, much less need to say of the one who told me in relationships, it is difficult to tell where money is concern, what belongs to who. I wonder who he has been spending his time with all these years and frankly what he said to me was darn insulting. The fact that he calls me a sister is laughable. When I think of it, it makes me laugh till my sides split. (Out)

And I asked another to make me proud and not let me down nor disappoint me in ways I cannot start to think. I have sacrificed to protect and defend. I hope, in the end, I will not be left alone in the dark regretting I did so. (Faith)

Have some pride in you, stand up and walk out. Let me feel that what I sacrificed and who I hurt to fight for you was worth it. (Hope)

Though the little one is asleep, I know the day has been rough on the two of us. (Hug)

Seriously, I did not think it had be this difficult. (Headache)

When I am bored, I fill in questionaires

A – AVAILABLE: In what sense?
B – BIRTHDAY: Every day in February
C – CRUSHING ON: Damon Salvatore
D – DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Gong Cha!!!
E – EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: I regard Meekey as human so it had to be him. He just looks at me with beady sympathetic eyes.
F – FAVORITE SONG: My name is by Eminem
G – GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Gummy Bears. Worms are urghhh, even if it was made of candy.
I – IN LOVE WITH: the person who bears with my moodiness, lets me go training whenever I want to and eat whatever I want to eat
J – JUGGLE: one thousand and one things in my mind
K – KILLED SOMEONE: not a violent person in that sense. even in my mind I have not done so, even to the most detestable people who makes my life a living hell.
L – LONGEST CAR RIDE: Bangkok to Phuket. or was it pattaya?
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Vanilla.
N – NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2
O – ONE WISH: one rottweiler, one bloodhound, one mastiff, one boxer, two daschund (one brown one black) to be living under the same space as me

P – PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: It has been a day of texting and appsing

R – REASON TO SMILE: I have gotten 90% of my shopping down for xmas. All in one day.
S – SONG YOU LAST SANG: I’ll hold a grenade for you by Bruno Mars
T – TIME YOU WOKE UP: 8.00am
U – UNDERWEAR COLOR: Red and white. And no I am not wearing the SG flag
V – VEGETABLE(S): Broccoli though I have taken to eating a lot of eggplant of all
W – WORST HABIT: my untidiness and ability to clutter things when I do not intend to at all
X – X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: twice or thrice? Regardless of injuries sustained throughout the years, xrays are not my thing.
Y – YOYOS ARE: a fad

Z – ZODIAC SIGN: piscean. Ah the emo star sign

So as to speak

My Judo Sensei asked me if I wanted to go down to the National squad to train so that I had qualify to represent Singapore for the SEA Games. I didn’t even have to ponder the answer.

1. There is no fire left for that sort of ego feeding activity. I feed my ego in other ways now.
2. There are other responsibilities. As a coach, as an other half, as a friend. The responsibility of carrying the flag on the shoulders no longer lies with me and I want everyone else in my life now to lurvvvvvve me.
3. I like training at my own pace to my whim and fancy.
4. I have a dislike for injuries. They are starting to irritate. Training lesser days amount to lesser injuries. I can’t even say which part of me has not suffered an injury before. Just cos’ I really do not know of any parts that has not.

So there was my answer.

Regret? No, absolutely no. Been there, though have not done that 100%, I have done that.

I want you to know

I was thinking, you know, that deep down inside of me, I know I may not be the one who fills your list of expectations. Everyone has their expectations I get that. I really do. And there is nothing wrong with having that list. But I want you to know too that I know I will be the one who’ll wake up everyday, staying true to you. Always loving you. Always wishing your day to be nothing short of good. Always missing you. No matter the day. No matter the mood. No matter what.

Two zero one zero

It is December. How one year flies. This is a considerably good and bad year for me. Bad first. I have met people I thought only exist in Taiwanese drama. Really bad people who have a dirtier past than me wanting to do me in, people whom I thought are my comrades sticking one to me from behind, people whom I thought are my blood kins moving between neutral but has their own personal agenda to fulfill i.e. leaving me to bleed out in the rain on my own. Bad things aside, I have things to be thankful for. And I shall remember that when I cross over to 2011.

This year, in 2010, I discovered that

I am made of steel and steel rusts. I should watch the limits of my human body and take care of it lest it breaks down on me.

Koi. Not a bubble tea person at all, I found a new experience in Koi.

if a person doesn’t love you anymore, anything you do will be futile and only pain will ensue. Tried and tested not once but twice.

They have diet A and W at HV Cold Storage. I thought they only had it at KAP.

I actually enjoy driving a bigger car and an auto one at that. A BMW at that. I enjoy the looks people give me when I drive the white monster. lol and what is great is, it is mine.

iphones really are God’s gift to man. Truly. Mine and me are inseparable and it has been through many boring times with me.

I do not really heart babies as in I do not find them exceptionally adorable or want to squash their cheeks like how people always do it, alongside the baby talk. That was until I met my niece Athena. I try so hard to make her smile and it melts me whenever she smiles when I try so hard like snoppy on steroids.

No matter how much I care about a person, if he really wants to run and slam into a wall I should just let him instead of trying all my means to stop him and have the tables turned on me. I should remember that people will only learn and see the truth when their faces are smashed into the wall.

I can actually still randori on one leg though it would be better with two. A very incentive to rest well and recover well.

Anyone can hurt me during randori, not only the big burly ones but the skinny female ones. The lesser skilled they are the more dangerous. That said, everyone dies from now onwards.

369 still exists and there has been more gang killing. Stupid or what.

I am going to be 35 in like another 3 month’s time. Happy and sad.
I probably be dead in another 30 years.

I am learning to take the initiative to talk to people.